By nature I am rebellious, but I’m not very brave. I react poorly when ordered around, but errands fill me with anxiety.
On Saturday I went to the grocery store. Shopping in a new place stresses me out beyond belief. Even after three months, starting when I park the car, I subconsciously hold my breath. I’m still getting my bearings as to where things are and what part of the store to look at first, and I’m so tense that I imagine everyone is looking at me wandering around like an idiot, which I think makes me look like a wandering idiot. (The vicious cycle.) Honestly I don’t know if it’s my imagination that 90% of people do not move when I say something polite as I’m trying to squeeze by them and their shopping carts, or if I’m only speaking in my head. Either way I feel a little crazy or invisible. In the States I wouldn’t use the self-checkout on principle but here I use them ¾ of the time because I just want to leave so desperately.
I’m telling you this because sometimes I feel like a liar. People tell me they think I’m doing something great by being a missionary or that I’m doing a good job. But I’m not great at all and I’m not brave, which I wish very much I was, and while things are going well I can’t take any credit for it.
God deserves all the praise. He picked someone obnoxiously rebellious and yet inadequately independent to prove that He’s gracious enough to use anyone. What is keeping you from chasing your brave dreams? What is God asking you to do? If God is calling you, it’s time to answer. It is never too late and enough is enough. No more excuses.
Look who He loves! I’m afraid of the grocery store – but God guides my hands and feet. And you, you who are not afraid of first world countries and their supermarkets, what will God do once you offer yourself with no reservations?
Last Thursday I had some fun baking cupcakes with Kiana while Josie, Ian, & their son Kia were at a school meeting. Here is just a sample of the delightful international sensation, “Kiana & Emily’s Cooking Show.”